It was raining on the field. I was in Belgium. In the distance, I could hear three different bands playing at three different locations. The harder I pressed the phone to my ear, the sweatier the earpiece became. It didn’t help the connection though. She was on her way to a funeral in Connecticut. A friend’s husband had expired after a long bout with cancer.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I could hear her remaining strength evaporate with the last couple of words.
“well, I can. I don’t give up. And you said-“
Cutting me off she remarked, “I know what I said. Its too hard. You have too many issues that you won’t deal with. Besides that I never see you. And besides that, I never see you. Don't you get it!” Her last sentence almost seemed to be screamed at me, at the distance between us.
“I know, one day soon, I’ll stop this,” I was running out of promises at this point. I’d been telling her since the day we met that I was stopping the touring life.
I could hear a dearth of cars and traffic noise in her background. Her words with swirled with tears for the rest of our talk.
“I didn’t expect to run out of gas. My heart just can’t handle the distance.”
Hearing those words, the last three, “handle the distance,” made me go cold.
It made me give up, no more words, no more eleventh hour promises.
“OK. I’ll step away. It won’t be easy. I can’t imagine not knowing you as my love, my life.”
The tears burned. The stinging salt had its own sting. My hear weighed a million pounds.
I continued on, not really thinking as much as just speaking whatever was next on my tongue.
“Hudson, for three years you’ve been my life, my morning to night. Its like I won’t be able to go certain places or say certain words out loud.”
On the other end, I could hear her long sobs, counting down to a hangup.
“I feel like I can’t breathe. It hurts. It hurts beyond pain. When we’re old, I’ll still wonder about you and what could have been, like an unfinished story that-“
“I know, I know,” she cried. Each word a little louder than the last.
“My dear, my heart, I lo-“
And the phone went dead.
I stood on the field for what seemed like hours. I don’t remember leaving Belgium.  ¶ 2:14 AM